| I'm so tired of this. I'm fucking tired of hearing people say that alcohol or weed or whatever the fuck it is will make them happy. It won't. Yeah drink to have fun, we're teenagers okay whatever just don't be stupid about it and don't get in a fuckin car. This isn't for just one person it's for a lot of people, some of who will never even see or read this.
It's when you start to drink to make yourself feel better that it's a problem. There is no way that drinking makes your problems go away. No way. You get sober and boom the problems are still fuckin there... and in reality they stay for longer because you don't fuckin deal with them. What you might think is the "easy way out" just gets you stuck IN your problems. The only way out is to fuckin deal with them like a mature person instead of running away.
There is a fine line I have in my opinion of alcohol and its appropriateness. If it's to have fun then why the hell not it's your own life do what you want. But I in no way agree with it if it's to use as an excuse or to run away from your problems. You can't just say something when you are drunk one night and the next morning be like "oh yeah I didn't really mean that I was drunk my bad". I have had TOO many people do that to me. Everyone fucking knows that you don't lie when you're drunk. I don't care what anyone says. Alcohol impairs your judgement. It impairs your ability to think straight. If you are hiding something from someone or you have had something on your mind the past couple days it comes out whether people are ready to hear it or not. The things that someone says to someone else sometimes really leave marks, and bad ones. I mean honestly, I think by now we all realize that whoever said words can never hurt you must have been on crack when he said it. It's not fair to whoever's feelings you hurt to the next morning just be like "oh I was drunk my bad". And trust me I know that first hand from more than one person.
My issues with Drinking to run away from your problems comes from a few different things in my life. People VERY close to me... in my direct family, some of my best friends, myself? K sweet. Anyways all those people have had hard times to deal with whether it be divorce, poverty, deaths, boys, girls, depression.. whatever. They all have thought drinking is gonna make it all go away. That alcohol is some magical formula that makes you forget and move on. Yeah for a couple hours maybe. But when you wake up the next morning with a major hangover are all your problems gone? No.. still there. Like honestly you can't fix life by avoiding it. As much as I and everyone else wishes it did, the world doesn't fucking work like that. And I think it's time to wake up and realize that.
Honestly people, most of us are either already out of the house or seriously getting very fucking close to it. Just fucking grow up and learn to deal with the problems in your life whether all that means is talkin about it or getting help just learn to deal with them, because running away just adds more pressure to deal with them which never ends up happening if you avoid them too much. If that made any sense at all. That's all I'm saying. I'm worried about more than one person right now and it's my fucking God given right to love my friends and family enough to worry when I think there's a problem. And I still love you all to death, I just don't want to go through the stuff I've already been through or let you make mistakes that will ruin your life. As much as I can't control anyone, I can damn well give my input and there it is. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| What a day. Won't go into too much detail other than fucked up sectionals (2nd year in a row). Amanda took 1st though so that makes it okay! So now I am doing my chores. I went out with Maf for a while :) We have good adventures.
Yeah so pretty much I've never been more confused than I am right now. But hey. What can ya do? Ooookay.. nothing.
..Whatever.
I'm not gonna see Mr. Burns for a long long time. It's pretty weird cuz I haven't seen him for 2 weeks and I'm probably not going to see him for at LEAST 2 more. But whatev it happens!
Thanks. That pretty much life-ruining feeling has come back :) I LOVE it!!! sarcasm. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | man i got tsto pthis it isnt goodl like at all. but whatever i gottabe at sfchool in two hours tis is nt gonn ago weell. i dn t think at lest. wow im more than don e i need sleep | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Thank you so much for making me realize that I don't need this shit. Seriously I don't need you. What do you cause me? Sadness, and that's it. You are barely ever making me feel happy anymore, because you sit there and tell me I'm a horrible person for just trying to make you see something from a different point of view, you call me a dumbfuck whore for wanting you to hang out? You don't respect my opinions at all and you tell me what I think doesn't matter. So tell me WHY exactly was I sitting around like a dumbass waiting for that? Probably the stupidest idea I've ever heard. And the biggest waste of time. I should be spending my time trying to find someone who will respect all of that and not call me horrible names for reasons that don't even matter. Not waiting for the one who obviously nothing is going to happen with. So good job, you made me realize it. and thank you | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | heaven help me | | Subject: | what is thissss | | Time: | 12:50 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/ibrad/yawn.gif) tired |
|
| Very interesting and eventful first few days of the weekend! Hah yesterday we had our last home meet for bowling and I came home and got ready and picked up Alyss and we went up to NIU :) good times, good times. Had a few problems, but they were resolved so no worries. Came home today and hung out with Ang :) and then me and Maf tried to go to Mark's hockey game.. but first we went the wrong way on I 88 and then we turned around and decided if we actually attempted to find the rink.. we probably would die before we got there. So we decided it would be best just to go home. So we stopped at Steak n Shake and ate and then went home. It was some good times.
Tomorrow hopefully I will get to sit around a lot. Cuz I am very, very, VERY tired. But we'll see.
I am very confused right now. Everything and everyone is just so confusing and I don't know what to do about it. And it doesn't help that nobody else in my life knows anything either, cuz they're all confused, too. What a deal, eh?
..Whatev. I'll recover. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | dont forget about us... mariah carey. | | Subject: | nooo | | Time: | 06:20 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/ibrad/lonely.gif) listless |
|
| Time for no more. That's kind of sad...
P.S. today sucked really bad. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Haha it's funny how I'm so used to coming over to Brett's and being completely bored out of my mind sitting on the computer while he's off playing mario soccer and ping pong with Mike lol it doesn't even make me mad anymore.
Tonight will be kick ass :) CHINESE DINNER WITH MAF HELLL YES! I need gas :( And who knows what else! Don't worry though it's some good times with Maf n Kuse :)
Umm so I have come to the conclusion that sometimes it's better to just not know stuff.. but I want to know anyways I don't care what's better. Yeah that was pretty pointless and didn't make much sense but whatever. This whole entry was actually pretty pointless. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Well today was interesting lol. Didn't get up til 12:30. It was some good times. Sat around for a while. Had a bowling meet. Started off shitty ended it not so shitty. Went and saw King Kong with Kirk. Good movie! Too many big scary bats, though :(.
So today I realized something. Well, I think I've realized it before, but it just hit me today. People say they're afraid of love, they say they're afraid of committment and they say they're afraid of losing the one they love. But they aren't afraid of any of that. The committment is not what they are afraid of. It's the heartbreak. It's opening yourself up and getting hurt. That's what it is. It's being afraid of being forgotten, of waking up every day feeling sad. They're afraid of feeling like the committment was a waste of time. You can't be afraid of love. Love is too happy a thing to be afraid of. You are afraid of what love can do to you, the things it can make you do, the way it can make you feel when you realize the one you love doesn't love you. You aren't afraid of losing the one you love. You are afraid of what that's going to do to you. I don't know I feel stupid writing about this, because I feel like it's so obvious and why didn't it hit me sooner?
I'm speaking from experience here. I thought I was afraid of love and committment. But I'm not. I'm afraid of what those things did to me. Waking up in the morning to realize it was just a dream, to remember hey that's not how it is anymore, or to still give up so much just to show him that I'm not as dumb as he thinks, that I really can be a good person and not mess around like that, only to figure out he doesn't give a shit. THAT is what I'm afraid of. And I'm really hoping that it's not gonna have to come to that. That he will notice and realize and take into account the fact that I am trying so hard to prove myself to him, that I am working at not only telling him, but SHOWING him that I still do love him despite what I may have done.
...We'll see, I guess. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | New Year's Day always sucks. Because I always feel sad.. I feel like I completely left behind eveyrthing about 2005. But I guess I'm happy to leave SOME of it behind. But idk I think I'm dumb but it makes me feel like all the good stuff really is gone officially now. Maybe more good will happen? Hopefully? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Okay so you know I miss you. And you know I still love you. At least I hope you do, because I try really hard to make you see it without looking pathetic at the same time haha. My life doesn't feel the same anymore. And it's not the same. I'm scared of all this, too. I'm scared of letting someone hurt me like that again. But it happens and it goes away. Except this, this doesn't go away. And there has to be a reason for that. A reason why every single time I am literally one step away from completely being done with all of this one little thing will happen to make me go back to you. Whether it be watching a certain movie, recalling a specific memory or seeing a catching the clock at that exact moment. And those things wouldn't be pushing me back to you if I was supposed to be moving on. That just doesn't make sense. And why else would I be completely 200% willing to do this again, to try another time after all you've done to me and all you put me through? That in itself is saying SO much, how I'm just willing to let that all go and throw myself in the exact same position to be hurt like that. I'm not willing to do that with anyone else. There is not one other person in this world I would do that for. I refuse to get to that point with anyone where they have a chance to hurt me. It just simply won't happen unless it's you. And I want you to realize that. I know you feel at least somewhat the same. I know that you still miss me and I know that I still make you happy. I also know you are scared. And I am almost positive that that is the reason you "just don't want that right now". But you have to work past that with this. This is doable it can happen. I don't know what it's going to take, but I am somehow going to make you see that. Make you see that this is one thing you shouldn't be scared of. Yes, I have made my mistakes. And I'm not proud of them. But I am telling you my only motive was to get your attention. To make you see that I need you. Was that the right way to go about trying to make you see that? No, it most certainly was not. And I see that now, but it was just a pathetic desperate attempt. But that is beside the point. All I want you to know is that I still love you and that I have faith. I still have faith. Even after everything I have gone through the past 4 1/2 months, things that you caused. I still have that faith. And that is saying something. And I'm really hoping that very soon you can see that same faith, that you can see exactly where I am coming from here. Just think about that. Please.
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Um Angel come home!! I love you and I miss you a lot!!! Who needs Florida, anyways. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Yay today is going to be a good day :) I'm excited. I'm goin babysitting at 1 and then at about 3ish Brett is gonna come over :) and then I get to hang out with him for a little bit after babysitting and then I don't know what I'm doing but I'm sure I'll find something maybe.
Haha me and Jess had a pretty eventful Tuesday not gonna lie. We screwed ourselves over pretty bad lol but don't worry cuz since Mark Pelletier is a really good guy we were okay!! She went babysitting with me for a little bit yesterday and we had some good talks :) I love our talks they help me out so much! Then I got to go bowling with Amanddaaa :) I love Amanda! She's a bowling machine. Haha I had a nice talk with Kim, too. Wow it was just full of good talks lol
I made lots of realizations yesterday. Whatever is supposed to happen is going to so I'm not pushing anything, I'm not expecting anything and I'm not waiting for anything. I'll just take whatever's coming as it comes. And thats all I can really ask for I guess. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | party like a rockstar | | Subject: | bummer. | | Time: | 02:24 am |
|
| | You are the only one that can make me forget about him. Whenever I'm with you or talking to you or even thinking about you he doesn't even matter to me. And that hasn't happened before. And it sucks because I know that we aren't going to happen anytime in the near future. I wish we could, though. I don't know... maybe I sound really stupid right now haha but I'm serious.. you make me happy in a different way than anyone and everyone else does. Just so you know. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| So this Christmas didn't suck as bad as I thought it would. But the part I anticipated being the worst... was probably actually worse than I thought it would be. But whatever.
Sooo today I got the 40 year old virgin anddd new headphones for my ipod from Brett for my birthday/Christmas!! haha some good times.
...No way. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | blind... ...lifehouse | | Subject: | i watched helpless | | Time: | 08:14 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/ibrad/biggrin.gif) excited |
|
| Mannnn never a dull Christmas in the Kieszkowski house!! Let's see... this year I got a JON GARLAND WORLD SERIES JERSEY!! the world series on dvd, the entire "story of the season" on dvd, the Tiffany's bracelet I wanted, $50 for gas, $100 for the mall, egyptian cotton sheets, a new comforter, a sweatshirt, $25 for caribou, a manicure set and as a family we got a new computer and a new printer for pictures and stuff. I'm really excited :) But it still isn't right.
So more people are coming over later. I should go.
p.s. call me to hang out this break :) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
xtheonly_onex's journal![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/ibrad/nerd.gif){kind=small}
blah![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/ibrad/angry.gif){kind=small}
angry![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/ibrad/bigsmile.gif){kind=small}
anxious![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/ibrad/smile.gif){kind=small}
happy